No BARKING

If you have lived here in the UAE for as long as I have, I'm sure you've figured out by now what I'm hinting at in my blog title. But don't worry if you haven't, give it time. You'll find out soon enough first hand how the language barrier in this part of the world can turn serious situations into unforgettable comedic experiences. 

I remember one incident involving my Pa and a policeman back when I was a kid living in Al Ain. Pa was waiting for my mom in the car while she went to get some stuff in the convenience store. Pa repeatedly circled around the parking area in search of a parking space but found none, except for a tiny space near a pavement curve. Our car was a tiny Toyota hatchback that could easily fit in there without blocking the exit. So he parked it there and was waiting patiently for Ma to come back when a policeman approached him. The policeman started spewing Arabic words that Pa didn't understand except for these few memorable words: NO BARKING, yalla ruhh. Rude. Pa looked at him perplexed. Then annoyed. Dude, I wasn't barking. I have never barked in my life and unless I turn into a dog sometime in the future, which is highly unlikely, I don't think I ever will. And if that happens, you can be sure I'll come back , stay right here  and bark at you to my heart's content. Not that Pa ever said that to him. I would have though.

In the Arabic alphabet, the letter "P" is nowhere to be found. So you can expect all the international brands with "P" in their name to undergo a minor but nonetheless obvious name change.  Sbalding, Banasonic, Abble Combuter. The same goes for everything else.  For example, you walk into a restaurant and you hear somebody give his order to the waiter: I want bizza. Big, ok? With beberoni, olives and baynapple. Also, I want esbageti and some Bebsi. See if that doesn't send a new waiter scrambling to get his order translated and done in time.

I've been frequently asked about my nationality too. You Bilibini? And I'd say, Yep, I'm a filipino. They call Philippines Bilibins and Filipinos Bilibini. Was he trying to tell me something here? Is it just me or do u  get the feeling that he's making fun of me too? Billy Beans? Me? No way, I don't even eat beans!

You'll hear similar stuff everywhere in the city. The more you hear it, the more immune you get to their hilarity. Not much fun after a while. But this is just one of the long list of examples where the English language gets lost somewhere in translation. And you'll encounter more as you interact and listen to the sights and sounds of the city.

It's noon here, so I'm gonna go and have my lunch. Bastas. I mean pastas.

Ahihihihihi go now I must, and find the wayward waiter, I will!